Hooray!
I think I found it, or so I’d like to believe. Over the past two months I managed to flip my life from complete crap with a doom and gloom future around to something that’s actually worth looking towards to, and all that took was a phone call whose very definition couldn’t be anything short of ‘fateful’ of sorts. Well, I don’t believe in fate but only in my personal awesomeness, in that sense I simply rocked the house and boxed my way through to the goal I yearned for. This year I can finally drop out of University after a good two years of drifting that has gotten me nowhere, of course that is the expected result if one throws oneself into something one in reality doesn’t want to bother with. So, after the phone call of my future employer offering me the apprentice ship starting September my life took a turn for the better in less than 2 minutes. Well, I now could rant how I hate applying for jobs because it will inevitably never truly be in your hands whether or not an employer will pick you but theirs, but since this time around I was the lucky one I shall not, however self-centered that may sound.
Though, what’s gotten me to my “upbeat” state, given that I still had to convince people to employ me by undergoing assessment centers? The answer is cliché as well as simple, and although I’m likely to puke over my keyboard stating this; it only took me to fall in love once more, even if the duration wasn’t a long one and the state has long been left behind me again. Seeing how my life crashed and burned right in front of my eyes back in ’08 I haven’t exactly been the most happiest person on the planet, and I’m still not as I haven’t turned a blind eye towards all the BS going on in this world – however, my perception and mindset has undergone quite the transformation from its former limited state and it required nothing else but a tad of love on my end. Having awakened from a state of trance things became quite clear once again; everyone’s their own luck’s smith. To love is an actual choice, unlike romantic love, which is a feeling. To care, to love, to live, they’re all choices one has to make for themselves. They’re self-centered, egoistic choices that affect one’s own well-being, and possibly that of others, but one simply has to realize that a healthy amount of egocentricity/egoism is necessary in this world and not something that is wrong, although I generally agree with the consensus that egocentricity is bad if anything.
Having had the burden of absolute uncertainty taken off my shoulders gave me so much more flexibility, and more over new breathing room to grow into that I feel like I can do about anything which then causes me to end up with a brain freeze because choosing something when there’s an unlimited amount of options isn’t exactly an easy feet for me. I’m only at the very beginning of growing into the newly obtained space, but it already feels like a major breakthrough, or being directly in front of one anyway. Having had the chance to refine my values, ideals, ideas and morals in silence in the years of my basement dwelling it’s now time to live and share them with others, whether or not they like it. Not meaning I was out for confrontation, quite the opposite even, but knowing for myself what is right and what is wrong I don’t need to rely on external input in those areas and there are plenty of situations where you have to simply overrule other people’s desires, opinions and actions knowing that it is the correct route, whether or not they’d like to acknowledge it and/or see it now. Sometimes certain decisions are no longer an option but become a necessity, in which case I’m more than willing to choose for you to prevent wrong doings.
I’m not mother Theresa, nor will I ever be, because my care only shoots for a specific few at a time, but I’ll make any difference I can if it’s within my power, because I’ve certainly seen and experienced more than enough unpleasant situations in my ever so short life to know what’s helpful to experience and go through and want leaves unnecessary scars. Some will learn to love me for it, some will come to hate me for it, regardless of interpersonal relationship results however the decisions in question will always be the correct ones. How fortunate I don’t require other people’s approval.
I haven’t lost any of my straight forwardness, in fact I’ve only refined it if anything – since the more refined your ideas, ideals and morals become, the easier it become to act, explain and verbalize them. To say it in the Duke’s words: “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum.”.
What’s the formula he has mentioned in the title then? Well, still working on the perfect phrasing I guess, the breakthrough however moves along the lines of “The day you make life live worthy is the day you’ve won.”. Now, no idea whether or not someone else managed to reach a similar conclusion (be said if their wasn’t, by all means), but it’s always more helpful to get profound realization from within than reading a famous quote, last but not least because the gravity of understanding are of different worlds.
Naturally archiving this is a lot tougher on those living in the present and the reasons may be as easily lost as they were obtained originally. I for one am going to cling on my current reason for as long as I possibly can, or until a better reason crosses my path.
